A
Lesson Plan from Life Planning Education: A Youth Development Program
Sexuality is much
more than sexual feelings or sexual intercourse. It is an important part of
who a person is and what she/he will become. It includes all the feelings,
thoughts, and behaviors associated with being female or male, being
attractive and being in love, as well as being in relationships that include
sexual intimacy and sensual and sexual activity. It also includes enjoyment
of the world as we know it through the five senses: taste, touch, smell,
hearing, and sight.
Circle #1—Sensuality
Sensuality is awareness and feeling about
your own body and other people's bodies, especially the body of a sexual
partner. Sensuality enables us to feel good about how our bodies look and
feel and what they can do. Sensuality also allows us to enjoy the pleasure
our bodies can give us and others. This part of our sexuality affects our
behavior in several ways.
- Body image—Feeling attractive and proud
of one's own body and the way it functions influences many aspects of
life. Adolescents often choose media personalities as the standard for
how they should look, so they are often disappointed by what they see in
the mirror. They may be especially dissatisfied when the mainstream
media does not portray or does not positively portray physical
characteristics the teens see in the mirror, such as color of skin, type
or hair, shape of eyes, height, or body shape.
- Experiencing pleasure—Sensuality allows a person
to experience pleasure when certain parts of the body are touched.
People also experience sensual pleasure from taste, touch, sight,
hearing, and smell as part of being alive.
- Satisfying skin hunger—The need to be touched and
held by others in loving, caring ways is often referred to as skin
hunger. Adolescents typically receive considerably less touch from
their parents than do younger children. Many teens satisfy their skin
hunger through close physical contact with peers. Sexual intercourse
may sometimes result from a teen's need to be held, rather than from
sexual desire.
- Feeling physical attraction
for another person—The center of sensuality and
attraction to others is not in the genitals (despite all the jokes). The
center of sensuality and attraction to others is in the brain, humans'
most important "sex organ." The unexplained mechanism
responsible for sexual attraction rests in the brain, not in the
genitalia.
- Fantasy—The brain also gives people
the capacity to have fantasies about sexual behaviors and experiences.
Adolescents often need help understanding that sexual fantasy is normal
and that one does not have to act upon sexual fantasies.
Circle #2—Sexual Intimacy
Sexual intimacy is the ability to be emotionally
close to another human being and to accept closeness in return. Several
aspects of intimacy include
- Sharing—Sharing intimacy is what
makes personal relationships rich. While sensuality is about physical
closeness, intimacy focuses on emotional closeness.
- Caring—Caring about others means
feeling their joy and their pain. It means being open to emotions that
may not be comfortable or convenient. Nevertheless, an intimate
relationship is possible only when we care.
- Liking or loving another
person—Having emotional attachment or connection to others
is a manifestation of intimacy.
- Emotional risk-taking—To have true intimacy with
others, a person must open up and share feelings and personal
information. Sharing personal thoughts and feelings with someone else is
risky, because the other person may not feel the same way. But it is not
possible to be really close with another person without being honest and
open with her/him.
- Vulnerability—To have intimacy means that
we share and care, like or love, and take emotional risks. That makes us
vulnerable—the person with whom we share, about whom we care, and whom
we like or love, has the power to hurt us emotionally. Intimacy requires
vulnerability, on the part of each person in the relationship.
Circle #3—Sexual Identity
Sexual identity is a person's understanding of
who she/he is sexually, including the sense of being male or of being female.
Sexual identity consists of three "interlocking pieces" that,
together, affect how each person sees him/herself. Each "piece" is
important.
- Gender identity—Knowing whether one is male
or female. Most young children determine their own gender identity by
age two. Sometime, a person's biological gender is not the same as
his/her gender identity—this is called being transgender.
- Gender role—Identifying actions and/or
behaviors for each gender. Some things are determined by the way male
and female bodies are built or function. For example, only women
menstruate and only men produce sperm. Other gender roles are culturally
determined. In the United States, it is considered appropriate for only
women to wear dresses to work in the business world. In other cultures,
men may wear skirt-like outfits everywhere.
There are many "rules" about what men and women
can/should do that have nothing to do with the way their bodies are built or
function. This aspect of sexuality is especially important for young
adolescents to understand, since peer, parent, and cultural pressures to be
"masculine" or "feminine" increase during the adolescent
years. Both young men and young women need help sorting out how perceptions
about gender roles affect whether they feel encouraged or discouraged in
their choices about relationships, leisure activities, education, and career.
Gender bias means holding stereotyped opinions
about people according to their gender. Gender bias might include believing
that women are less intelligent or less capable than men, that men suffer
from "testosterone poisoning," that men cannot raise children
without the help of women, that women cannot be analytical, that men cannot
be sensitive. Many times, people hold fast to these stereotyped opinions
without giving rational thought to the subject of gender.
- Sexual orientation—Whether a person's primary
attraction is to people of the other gender (heterosexuality) or to the same gender (homosexuality) or to both
genders (bisexuality)
defines his/her sexual orientation. Sexual orientation begins to emerge
by adolescence although many gay and lesbian youth say they knew they
felt same sex attraction by age 10 or 11. Between three and 10—percent
of the general population is probably exclusively homosexual in
orientation. Perhaps another 10 percent of the general population feel
attracted to both genders.
Heterosexual, gay, lesbian,
and bisexual youth can all
experience same-gender sexual attraction and/or activity around puberty. Such
behavior, including sexual play with same-gender peers, crushes on
same-gender adults, or sexual fantasies about same-gender people are normal
for pre-teens and young teens and are not necessarily related to sexual
orientation.
Negative social messages and homophobia in the wider U.S. culture can mean
that young adolescents who are experiencing sexual attraction to and romantic
feelings for someone of their own gender need support so they can clarify
their feelings and accept their sexuality.
Circle #4—Reproduction and Sexual Health
These are a person's capacity to reproduce and the
behaviors and attitudes that make sexual relationships healthy and enjoyable.
- Factual information about
reproduction—Is necessary so youth will understand how male and
female reproductive systems function and how conception and/or STD
infection occur. Adolescents often have inadequate information about
their own and/or their partner's body. Teens need this information so
they can make informed decisions about sexual expression and protect
their health. Youth need to understand anatomy and physiology because
every adolescent needs the knowledge and understanding to help him/her
appreciate the ways in which his/her body functions.
- Feelings and attitudes—Are wide-ranging when it
comes to sexual expression and reproduction and to sexual health-related
topics such as STD infection, HIV and AIDS, contraceptive use, abortion,
pregnancy, and childbirth.
- Sexual intercourse—Is one of the most common
behaviors among humans. Sexual intercourse is a behavior that may
produce sexual pleasure that often culminates in orgasm in females and
in males. Sexual intercourse may also result in pregnancy and/or STDs.
In programs for youth, discussion of sexual intercourse is often limited
to the bare mention of male-female (penile-vaginal) intercourse.
However, youth need accurate health information about sexual
intercourse—vaginal, oral, and anal.
- Reproductive and sexual
anatomy—The male and female body and the ways in which they
actually function is a part of sexual health. Youth can learn to protect
their reproductive and sexual health. This means that teens need
information about all the effective methods of contraception currently
available, how they work, where to obtain them, their effectiveness, and
their side effects. This means that youth also need to know how to use
latex condoms to prevent STD infection. Even if youth are not currently
engaging in sexual intercourse, they probably will do so at some point
in the future. They must know how to prevent pregnancy and/or disease.
Finally, youth also need to know that traditional methods
of preventing pregnancy (that may be common in that particular community
and/or culture) may be ineffective in preventing pregnancy and may, depending
on the method, even increase susceptibility to STDs. The leader will need to
determine what those traditional methods are, their effectiveness, and their
side effects before he/she can discuss traditional methods of contraception
in a culturally appropriate and informative way.
- Sexual reproduction—The actual processes of
conception, pregnancy, delivery, and recovery following childbirth are
important parts of sexuality. Youth need information about sexual
reproduction—the process whereby two different individuals each
contribute half of the genetic material to their child. The child is,
therefore, not identical to either parent. [Asexual reproduction
is a process whereby simple one-celled organisms reproduce by splitting,
creating two separate one-celled organisms identical to the original
[female] organism before it split.] Too many programs focus exclusively
on sexual reproduction when providing sexuality education and ignore all
the other aspects of human sexuality.
Circle #5—Sexualization
Sexualization is that aspect of sexuality in
which people behave sexually to influence, manipulate, or control other
people. Often called the "shadowy" side of human sexuality,
sexualization spans behaviors that range from the relatively harmless to the
sadistically violent, cruel, and criminal. These sexual behaviors include
flirting, seduction, withholding sex from an intimate partner to punish
her/him or to get something, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, and rape. Teens
need to know that no one has the right to exploit them sexually and that they
do not have the right to exploit anyone else sexually.
- Flirting—Is a relatively harmless
sexualization behavior. Nevertheless, upon occasion it is an attempt to
manipulate someone else, and it can cause the person manipulated to feel
hurt, humiliation, and shame.
- Seduction—Is the act of enticing
someone to engage in sexual activity. The act of seduction implies
manipulation that at times may prove harmful for the one who is seduced.
- Sexual harassment—Is an illegal behavior.
Sexual harassment means harassing someone else because of her/his
gender. It could mean making personal, embarrassing remarks about
someone's appearance, especially characteristics associated with sexual
maturity, such as the size of a woman's breasts or of a man's testicles
and penis. It could mean unwanted touching, such as hugging a
subordinate or patting someone's bottom. It could mean demands by a
teacher, supervisor, or other person in authority for sexual intercourse
in exchange for grades, promotion, hiring, raises, etc. All these
behaviors are manipulative. The laws of the United States provide
protection against sexual harassment. Youth should know that they have the
right to file a complaint with appropriate authorities if they are
sexually harassed and that others may complain of their behavior if they
sexually harass someone else.
- Rape—Means coercing or forcing
someone else to have genital contact with another. Sexual assault can
include forced petting as well as forced sexual intercourse. Force, in
the case of rape, can include use of overpowering strength, threats,
and/or implied threats that arouse fear in the person raped. Youth need
to know that rape is always illegal and always cruel. Youth should know
that they are legally entitled to the protection of the criminal justice
system if they are the victims of rape and that they may be prosecuted
if they force anyone else to have genital contact with them for any
reason. Refusing to accept no and forcing the other person to
have sexual intercourse always means rape.
- Incest—Means forcing sexual contact
on any minor who is related to the perpetrator by birth or marriage.
Incest is always illegal and is extremely cruel because it betrays the
trust that children and youth give to their families. Moreover, because
the older person knows that incest is illegal and tries to hide the
crime, he/she often blames the child/youth. The triple burden of forced
sexual contact, betrayed trust, and self-blame makes incest particularly
damaging to survivors of incest.
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